VALDOSTA, GA—Explaining that even his deeply ingrained support for his country had its limits, zealous American patriot Gabriel Bartlett told reporters this week that he drew the line at women playing soccer. “I don’t care that they represent America—I’m not watching that shit,” said the financial advisor and diehard…
VALDOSTA, GA—Explaining that even his deeply ingrained support for his country had its limits, zealous American patriot Gabriel Bartlett told reporters this week that he drew the line at women playing soccer.
“I don’t care that they represent America—I’m not watching that shit,” said the financial advisor and diehard flag-waving nationalist, adding that his profound belief in the unimpeachable character of the United States and all its global exports extended to cheering on his country in the men’s World Cup, the World Series of Baseball, and even the Winter Olympics, but fell short of watching a bunch of girls kick a ball around.
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