“Hiding what I knew to be true about myself was exhausting and painful,” writes Ph.D. candidate Bec Roldan. For PrideMonth, learn more about their experience coming out to their lab as nonbinary.
My hands shook as I sat down to write the email."I wanted to let y'all know that I use they/them/theirs pronouns," I typed."I know that gender-neutral/non-binary pronouns are not a common staple in our language, but I ask that you please do your best to respect them." Proclaiming my identity—one I had still not quite figured out yet—to a group of co-workers made me feel incredibly vulnerable.
I had come out as queer during my last year of college, thanks in large part to support from the tight-knit queer community I'd discovered there. Starting graduate school at a new institution, I wouldn't have that support system. I feared I'd be navigating my journey to discover myself completely on my own.
As time wore on, it became increasingly difficult to show up to work and exist as a gender that no longer felt like my own. Hiding what I knew to be true about myself was exhausting and painful. So, at the start of my second semester, I decided I needed to come out to my adviser and labmates. I set up a time to meet with my adviser the following day. When I stepped into his office, he could tell how nervous I was, and he was concerned. I told him not to worry. As soon as I informed him about my identity, he was supportive, asking what he could do to help me come out to others in the lab. For the first time in months, my fears eased.