What to Say When a Friend Tells You She's Getting a Divorce | Psychology Today
and a bit avoidant lately but you are not quite sure why. At the beginning of the conversation, your friend leans in toward you and says that she has something to tell you. She begins to get teary. She discloses that her husband is leaving her and she didn't see this coming. You are shocked and furious. You tell your friend that you never liked her husband and that he is a jerk. You don't stop there. You tell her that she can do better and can replace her partner quickly.
Both of these sorts of scenarios and/or variants of them happen several times a day at all sorts of venues. Clearly, Scenario 1 is problematic. The listener is talking way too much when she should be listening quietly. Despite good intentions, the listener is devaluing the partner and in turn is implying that her friend has chosen badly. She is also suggesting that her friend will find a new partner quickly when that is likely the last thing on her friend's mind at this moment.
Elaborate on the type of support that you would like to offer. Perhaps, you can offer to watch your friend's kids so that she can have a few hours to herself. Or offer to take care of an errand for her so that her plate becomes just a little bit lighter. Before parting, thank your friend for trusting you and tell her that you will not share this information with anyone else. After all, this is your friend's story to tell, not yours.
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