What I Want to Hand Down to My Daughters, and What I Don’t

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What I Want to Hand Down to My Daughters, and What I Don’t
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“There are my specific things that I don’t want my babies to get. My flaky scalp; my feeling sad; my apocalyptic thinking. My unwieldy appetites. Four drinks when one would do. Five slices of pizza when two would do”

Photo-Illustration: by Stevie Remsberg/Photos: Getty It’s All Relative is a weeklong exploration of all the different ways of being a family in the year 2019. With this in mind, we asked four writers to answer the question: What is a family? The answers will appear each morning.

When I was older than she is now, somewhere between the ages of 8 and 12, my dad gave me the poem “This Be the Verse” by Philip Larkin. Famously, this poem begins, “They fuck you up, your mum and dad / They may not mean to but they do.” I remember him handing the green Collected Poems volume to me, open to the relevant page, rather than reading it aloud, but one of the things about families is that everyone in them remembers things according to their own narrative, so I have no idea what’s true.

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