'This is grief. It doesn't grow smaller; we must grow around it. And that takes as long as it takes,' explains SophiaDembling
Grief evolves at its own pace and cannot be hurried.triggers can happen any time and any place, it’s a pretty safe bet that a blog about grief will contain triggers. If you’re grieving and feeling particularly fragile, perhaps save this for another day.
Many people imagine that six months or a year after a major loss, you should be pulling yourself together and returning to “normal.” This is nuts. In the first place, for someone who has lost a loved one, there is no “normal” anymore. For me, “normal” includes Tom. Eventually my “normal” will include grief in the background, but, for now, the fact that there is no Tom anymore is front and center for me all the time. And this is not unusual.
I also did not stay alone. First, local friends took turns staying overnight; then my adult godson, in a footloose phase, moved in with me for a few months. Here in my second year, it’s starting to really sink in that this is it. This is my life now. In addition, I have been doing “grief work”—support groups,, reading, etc.—as hard as I can, and while it has all been extremely valuable, preventing me from drowning in tears or giving up on life, there is only so much it can accomplish.
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