Dear Care and Feeding: I think I just treat each according to the truth.
I have always dreamed of having children. But I was physically, emotionally, verbally, and psychologically abused as a child, and have had to spend a decade in therapy to work through my trauma. I’m doing much better, but still, I have issues with anxiety and feeling like I’m in fight or flight a lot. My husband was raised by an addict and spent the second half of his life in the foster system.
Usually it’s not our kids themselves who make us “sad, tired, and angry”—as you’ve also acknowledged in your letter, it’s all the rest of it: It’s the things they or we are struggling with; it’s not having the support or the resources we need; it’s everything else we’re up against, in other words—it’s not because of the kids. And I understand not feeling sure about bringing children into a world that can feel very grim.
you’ve always wanted and imagined for yourself, which is something to pay attention to—but that doesn’t mean you can’t change your mind or just keep thinking it over, even if your husband is really excited. Whether or not you ultimately decide to become a parent, just know that your own experience won’t look just like anyone else’s, nor is it likely to be all misery or all joy.
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