There is always help; there is always hope.
Suicide touched my life at an early age. My uncle James died when I was just 7 and I remember I couldn’t go to the funeral and I was really affected by how his death upset my mum. I found school a real challenge. I didn't fit in and had some physical health problems including chronic headaches and stomach pains. I was a very sensitive child and didn’t understand why people were so nasty to one another.
As time went on, I still had terrible headaches and felt there was a black hole inside of me. But by the time I got to university I discovered masking. I could be someone gregarious that people liked. I had a lovely partner who I had met at university. But looking back at that time, I was always trying to be the person someone else wanted me to be: the mum, the wife, the long blonde hair and the neat house. After I had my first child, who is now 8, I struggled with my mental health and was encouraged to take up a running challenge in memory of my dad. It became a new passion. I went from a 5K to a half marathon and had a new focus.
Having gone through years of therapy I have got to the point where I feel stable. It turns out that I have lived with undiagnosed ADHD and autism for a long time. I now understand why my body reacts the way it does, with headaches and stomach pains often brought on by unacknowledged anxiety and fear.
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