News of Hulu's plans for 'Pam & Tommy,' gave Pamela Anderson nightmares, she says in the docuseries. 'I didn't sleep last night at all,' she says. 'I have no desire to watch it. Not going to watch it. Never watched the tape. I'm not going to watch this.'
," starring Lily James and Sebastian Stan as the ’90s power couple, gave Anderson nightmares, she says in the docuseries.
“I blocked that out of my life,” she says in the film. “It was a survival mechanism, and now that it’s all coming up again, I feel sick. Basically, you are just a thing owned by the world, like you belong to the world.”The tape was inside a safe stolen by disgruntled electrician Rand Gauthier, who’d been working on the couple’s Malibu home.
Anderson recalls being “completely humiliated” in a room adorned with her nude pictures, where she was questioned about her sex life. “The lawyers basically said, ‘You’re in Playboy, you have no right to privacy.’” But to Anderson, the distribution of the video “felt like a rape.” The previous day, Lee had crashed his car into a trailer on the set, she writes, “punched the cabinets out in the makeup room, and thrown me into his car, driving off the set, tires spinning.” He left her at their condo, where she “cried all night. I couldn’t take it anymore, and I didn’t know what to do. It was a depth of despair I’d never felt – and I’d been through a lot.”
Anderson called the police, and Lee was arrested and sentenced to six months in jail for spousal abuse. At 12, Anderson says she was raped by a 25-year-old and that she blamed herself for the assault. “I was in shock,” she writes in her memoir, “falling apart, molecules, dust, liquid . . . My life evaporating.Even at her first Playboy shoot, in September 1989, she remembers getting sick after a makeup artist touched her breast. “I started to feel nauseous, faint, I had to stop,” Anderson writes. “I ran to the bathroom and got sick. My makeup was ruined.
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