The love we receive from others is often a direct reflection of the love we give ourselves. Here's why.
The nuts and bolts of self-love may have their greatest usefulness, and their most difficult application, on the landscape of a relationship.Loving myself requires that, at least most of the time, I have some concept of who I am—or else, what am I trying to love? Yet there are times when knowing who I am can be like solving a Rubik's Cube with its many confusing and moving parts. For example, I seem to be a different person when I'm with certain people or in certain circumstances.
. So, maybe who I am should be a bit hard to pin down at times. Nonetheless, let's give it a try—after all, an elusive self is probably more difficult to love.To put a palpable handle on the concept of who I am, think of a collection of needs of varying types and magnitudes, an ever-whirling composite of circulating wants, motives, drives, desires, preferences, inclinations, and sundry interests.
. And equally important, the research team of Greenberg and Paivio found that merely identifying one's needs bumps up the likelihood of actively representing them.All of the needs that comprise who I am, are, at their most fundamental level,Most critically, I cultivate self-compassion by deliberately and purposefully validating the basic legitimacy of my needs.
So, let's pick a need, even a trivial one, and look beneath it to its deepest taproot, its most irreducible level, to verify its legitimacy. For instance, Josh would like Chinese food tonight, while his partner, Jennifer, wants Mexican food. Obviously, both have basic needs for food, but also each partner needs to be sensitively and respectfully understood for their individual preferences, despite their differences.
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