How to be candid when you can’t reveal all the facts of a sticky situation.
Trust smooths the way for collaboration, conflict resolution, and influence. But how do you build this asset? And how do you repair it when you’ve missed a series of important deadlines or otherwise messed up?talks with a listener who’s struggling to restore skeptics’ confidence in her and her team. Ruchi shares the three elements of trust and how to convey each one.
AMY GALLO: Yeah. And I can see how that would really be concerning in terms of violating trust or presenting mistrust. Ruchi, I’m curious, what are you hearing in Jen’s examples? Are there any follow-up questions you have for her?JEN: I didn’t, and I think that’s what really bothered me. I didn’t explain why I couldn’t share all of the details, because I couldn’t even bring the details up. And we had already been working at that point against some pretty big obstacles.
AMY GALLO: Jen, how do you respond to those three elements? Are you thinking, “Oh, there’s one I really need to work on,” or what’s your reaction? AMY GALLO: So, Ruchi, can I ask what that means practically? Because I’m picturing Jen in these moments. The project comes up. She witnesses the slumping. Does she say, “I know. The project has not met its implementation deadlines”? Does she acknowledge it right there?
RUCHI SINHA: I would 100% agree with you, Amy. I think I was answering Jen in terms of, “If it hasn’t happened, now what do I do?” Yeah.RUCHI SINHA: But even when you make a spontaneous, quick acknowledgement, like you just did, Amy, when you say, “I’m going to come back with a plan,” I would say that that promise has to be very specific. So, when you say, “I’m going to come back-”RUCHI SINHA: Yeah.
AMY GALLO: Yeah. I think this is such an important question, because there’s been research done. Ron Friedman, who’s a psychologist, who’s written for HBR, looked at high-performing teams, and he talked to 1,000 people about what makes these teams high-performing. And one of the key pieces is transparency. And we can understand how transparency builds trust, builds connection, but there are moments, as Jen is expressing, where you can’t be transparent.
JEN: That is a very good point, because I do not do that. I focus on it because I’m still trying to make sense of why I can’t tell people. There are certain things where it’s very clear. But in those instances where I can’t really wrap my head around why people can’t know this information now, I think that’s where I struggle, and I focus on it.
JEN: Yes. Sometimes I’m very confused, and there is a very blurry line about what I should be sharing with people that aren’t directly involved in the managing of the project versus what I can’t share or what isn’t ready to be shared yet. I do tend to share more probably than I should. I’ve gotten my hand slapped many times over the course of my career for sharing things that I thought were relevant.
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