Before you jump back into things with an old flame—these relationship experts have a few things worth considering.
All it takes is Mercury Retrograde for a healthy, natural fantasy about a former flame to cross the line into serious deliberations of getting back together with an ex. We know because we’ve been there. In most cases, it’s important to remember that you broke up for a *reason* and you may be viewing the relationship through rose-colored glasses, omitting the bad memories and clinging to the divine.
You can roll your eyes at the on-again, off-again nature of celebrity romances , but sometimes these reconciliations seem to work out. Take Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel for example—the pair began dating in 2007, split up in 2011, were married in 2012, and now have a 7-year-old son together. Adam Levine and Behati Prinsloo also took a break back in 2014, dated other people, and are now happily-married parents.
So, yes, it clearly can be done. To find out how, and when you should or shouldn’t consider getting back with your old flame, we called up two relationship experts. Here’s what we learned.1. Feeling lonely or broke aren’t reasons to get back together. Toni Coleman, a psychotherapist specializing in relationship coaching, warns that if you’re considering a reunion because you don’t want to be alone or because you’re short on cash, take a pause.
Bratemen suggests that both sides need to be honest from the word go about what you’ve been up to during your time apart if you want to get back together. “It is possible to get back together with an ex after you have been with someone else depending on how honest you are about it. You do not need to go into any detail about it, but you need to acknowledge it so you can move into a new relationship with each other building on that honesty.
Feeling sad is also a very necessary part of splitting up, particularly if you think you might want to get back together down the track. “Regardless of who broke up with whom, there is often sadness, second-guessing, and self-examination,” Coleman explained, adding that there’s a natural grieving process during a breakup that can help you realize more clearly why you split up.
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