PHILADELPHIA—An international team of scientists reported this week that they remain completely mystified by Lancaster, PA resident Brandon Holland, a man who inexplicably wears a size 32 in some pants and a size 33 in others.
Dr. Alan Nolan, a biophysicist at Drexel University who has led research efforts into the puzzling phenomenon, told reporters that systematic observation and data analysis have failed to adequately explain how the subject could possibly fit into size 32 jeans mere moments after comfortably wearing a pair of size 33 khakis.
“For 16 months, we’ve painstakingly conducted a battery of tests using every conceivable variety of pants, and we still haven’t determined how the same man could fit into slacks with a waist of 32 as well as trousers in 33,” said Nolan, confirming that the two differently sized pants were neither too tight nor too loose on Holland, with both sitting comfortably about his waist without any need to be adjusted or periodically pulled up. “Our test subject is truly a scientific marvel.
Nolan confirmed that the team of scientists tested various jeans, khakis, and corduroys against a pair of control pants, a size 28 from Kohl’s, which consistently did not fit the subject in any trial.
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