Perspective | 'When my parents died a few months apart, a friend said, ‘Now, you’re an orphan, too.’ But I was 59.'
By Steven Petrow Steven Petrow Contributing columnist Email Bio Follow Contributing columnist April 21 at 8:00 AM I became an “adult orphan” on April 11, 2017, although I’d never heard that term before. My dad died in the early hours of that spring morning; my mom had passed away three months earlier on a snowy winter’s night. Now, both parents — lifelong lifelines — were gone. A close friend of mine emailed condolences and then added, “Now, you’re an orphan, too.
I certainly knew the definition of an orphan: A child without parents. A tragic situation, hands down. That sure wasn’t me — or my friends. I’m an adult, very close to my two siblings and their families, with a wide friendship circle. I queried my friends whose parents had died, asking whether they felt like orphans. One, now in his 50s, told me, “When my last parent passed away I distinctly remember feeling cast adrift on a wide, wide sea. I was no longer the ‘baby.’ Just a guy in his 40s with no mother or father.” Another told me “My mom died when I was 26. My dad when I was 42. I was pretty much the only person without parents at that stage of life, so I did feel ‘orphaned’ in some ways.
DePaulo wasn’t surprised when I explained these feelings. “Your parents gave you your name and your first sense of identity, and now they are gone.” In this new twilight zone I found myself on my own. I found myself reaching out to my siblings more and more, not to mention my friends. I can easily make pumpkin chocolate chip muffins, meatloaf and blood orange mimosas for a dozen friends . In turn, a group of neighbors hosted a birthday party for me that included cupcakes, cava and karaoke.
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