'If she hadn’t encouraged me to choose myself, I don’t know if I ever would have.'
3.25.2022It felt like I was having the same conversation with my therapist for the thousandth time: "I just don't know how toanymore. I feel like I'm watching my life go by, just going through the actions, but I don't feel anything."
I felt ashamed, and I felt embarrassed. But this time, I was completely and totally honest with my therapist about everything I had been living through. And her response was eye-opening and exactly what I needed to hear.What starts off as subtle guilting turns into gaslighting. Small disagreements turn into knock-down-drag-out fights. And unfortunately, you start to become acclimated.
I could give you coping techniques to get through this season, but I can't in good conscience. Because I'm afraid if I do, it won't be a season. It will be the rest of your life until he ends it. I went home that day, irritated that my therapist wouldn't help me. But after journaling and reflecting, the lightbulb went off. She was helping. In fact, she was saving me from a life full of pain, abuse, and potential danger. Either I would get out, and she would help me cope through the aftermath, or I'd continue to stay, and things wouldn't get any better. I had to find myself as worthy of happiness, safety, and love as much as my therapist did.
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