The thing about identity is, it changes over space and time.
. I like homes and gardens. I just don’t want to be forced to always frame myself that way. I don’t always want to lead with it.I’ve always had a gender-neutral nickname, which became my legal name when I realized it made a lot of difference to people whether my words were “hers” or “his.” More than once, I arrived for a panel or talk and was asked, “When is your husband arriving?” The disappointment on learning that “he” was a she was palpable.
A conservative friend suggests banning all adjectives—eliminate identifiers entirely. “Conservative,” for example. Adjectives signal our opinion of a person, and sometimes that’s all. Relying on them exaggerates differences, shrink-wraps complexity, slaps on labels instead. As a “senior,” my identity gets established at a glance. Clerks at the co-op can’t tell me apart from other white-haired women waiting to get their orders. To twentysomethings, seventysomethings all look alike. me to grapple with identity. Students ask: How should we address you? A friend gave her students two options: first name or Your Majesty. I liked that. But these days I find most of my students prefer to use “professor,” because that’s my identity to them.
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