A friend told this letter writer that their proper etiquette is “performative.”
Things like my love of homemade gifts and handwritten letters were also criticized as attempts to be unique and likable, not genuine acts of etiquette. I will admit that I do enjoy being known as a polite and charitable person, but I don’t know how to respond to an accusation of only using manners as a means to an end. Is that a thought I should even entertain?needs: a denunciation of kindness and consideration for others.
It is no great insight to notice that etiquette is performative. There are formulas for words and gestures to convey intention and emotion. If you inconvenience someone, even inadvertently — or justifiably, in your case with the missed rehearsal, as it involved illness — you apologize as an acknowledgment of that person's feelings. Accompanying this by a token present gives it extra charm. A handwritten letter shows appreciation for others' efforts.
But are these expressions of genuine emotion? Is the convict who expresses remorse really sorry, or just hoping for a lighter sentence? How can we know? Some villains are good actors. Nevertheless, we want to hear the criminal concede that crime is wrong.Your former friend argues that our behavior should reflect our true feelings, however offensive they may be. He also does not believe that good feelings could be genuine.And he further argues that it is wrong to want other people to like you.
They really don’t want to hear a long reply, so I am not sure how to respond. I have sometimes responded with “I am good, how are you?” but that seems to halt their progress past the desk. I have sometimes said nothing, but that seems rude, as does answering with just “I am good.” I thought about just saying “hi,” but that seemed kind of rude as well. Please give me a good response.of “How do you do?” — a phrase that is correctly pronounced without a questioning tone.
The response, in your case, is therefore “How you doing?” — although Miss Manners would also accept “Fine, thanks, and you?”
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