I could see the cashier shrink from her questions. He eventually did tell her where he was “from.”
He and I shared a commiserating look while she bagged her groceries, but I wanted to do more -- either to tell her it’s impolite to ask people where they’re from, or to say something sympathetic to the cashier.
I live in a very diverse area, so encountering blatant “othering” of someone was surprising. I’d appreciate guidance on how I should have handled it. GENTLE READER: The question was improper, and Miss Manners appreciates your wanting to stand up for someone who was not in a position to stand up for himself. But there should be other considerations before escalating a situation into a public scene.
You did signal sympathy to the cashier. But would it further embarrass him, and perhaps endanger his position, if you did so more conspicuously? He is the best judge of that, and his finally answering the question suggests that he just wanted to get the interaction over with. Next, would you have been able to change the offender’s mind? This cannot be done angrily; people do not respond well to embarrassment and scolding. You would have had to ask politely for her attention, listened to her defense and allowed her to save face. This could be accomplished by saying, “I’m sure you didn’t mean it this way, but when you question people’s origins, they feel you are saying they don’t really belong here.
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