'I sometimes find myself passing on fun, voluntary family activities because the process just seems too hard.'
Sitting on the entryway bench, my almost-seven-year-old son’s shoes in my hand, I brace for impact. I call his name to let him know it is time for school. Transitions are brutal for him and always have been. He immediately starts screaming, loudly protesting our inevitable exit from the house as he does most mornings. Then he notices the shoes I am holding. He doesn’t want his sneakers today, he would rather wear crocs.
Coming and going — something we do daily with four young kids, and a normal life activity generally — is so often met with intense frustration and resistance. A simple request to transition from one activity to another usually unleashes a brief but intense explosion of emotions. Even suggesting a family walk around the block can spark an instant outburst — feet leaving the ground, furious lap-running around the house, and max-volume screaming. And because of this, we sometimes miss out.
Sibling arguments and annoyances escalate quickly. Things that might mean mild discomfort or irritation for some, like an accidental nudge or someone blinking too much in the wrong direction, wreak havoc on the mental and nervous system of my middle maniac. Even quiet, under-the-breath comments from other siblings can prompt a spiral that engulfs all of my kids.
New or unfamiliar activities are almost always a problem. Thankfully, he usually settles in and ends up thrilled, but getting ready for, going to, and starting something new is always a challenge. Sometimes I think the anger stems from anxiety; other times I suspect it’s caused by a diversion or change in the detailed plan he had in his mind. In both circumstances, the escalation is so immediate that there is no room for reasoning or logic — we are immediately in operation-defusal mode.
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