The harsh truth is that some marriages aren’t salvageable, and in that case it’s advisable to walk away.
I’ll never forget when our last couples’ counselor said to me in our one-on-one session over Zoom, “If what you’re telling me is true, there’s no relationship here to save.” After ten years of a relationship, eight years married, and six years of couples counseling with various organizations, both local and national, in just one session, my marriage was over. Two weeks later my husband and I separated amicably, and a huge weight lifted in my life.
But my experience in couples’ counseling has been stifling, if not downright harmful. I don’t remember speaking or being asked to join in the discussion during our first experience at couples therapy, with a highly decorated doctor to boot. Most of the session was my husband venting his frustrations and the therapist accommodating him.
Couples counseling, like society, sells the belief that all marriages can be saved, just keep showing up to therapy, just keep trying. We’re conditioned to believe that unless you experience infidelity or abuse, the relationship is salvageable if you just keep working on it; the you – of course — in this scenario is the mother.
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