“I have French-exited events so many times that my friends have come to expect it from me. They’ve got used to waiting ages for replies to their messages. And lots of them know I can be closed off, and that I have a tendency to cancel plans.”
Perhaps it’s inevitable, then, that I began to wonder whether people saw me as flaky, disengaged and unreliable. Google, of course, did me dirty when I turned to it for advice. A few stories suggested having empathy for your introverted pals: “They need love too, they just don’t know how to ask!” Largely, though, the top hits filled me with horror: Why I Finally Dumped My Introverted Friends; Why Introverts Tend To Be Shit Friends; Being An Introvert Isn’t An Excuse For Being A Bad Friend.
And so I’ve gathered my friends to find out the truth once and for all. “Honestly?” says one. “When we were in our early twenties, it probably did upset me when you disappeared. I thought you didn’t want to spend time with me. But now that we’re older, I think you’re better at making it clear that you need time. Or perhaps I just know you better now.
Theoretically, we’re far more accessible now than we’ve ever been before, a third points out, which means that it can sometimes feel like we’re set up to fail as introverts. “It was easier to be an introverted friend in the BBM days, before social media and the Internet-in-our-pockets. Now it feels like, if you’re not constantly available, you’re doing something wrong.”
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