'I’m lucky that people in my life understood that this was not a moment for silence or pretending that nothing was happening'
, friends and neighbors dropped off big pots of soup, home-baked brownies and ice cream, a small stuffed rabbit for the infant resting in my lap. When I ended up needing an aspiration procedure, flowers and care packages and bottles of wine arrived, as if by magic. The days and weeks following my abortion were reminiscent of the days and weeks that had followed my son’s birth, when a constellation of community members had rallied for a postpartum mother and her family.
I’ve always been a punctual and enthusiastic gift-giver . I love to mark an occasion or a transition with something tangible–a letter in the mail with a dried flower pressed between its pages, or a succulent plant left on a doorstep. A book that made me think of the recipient, my notes scrawled in the margins, or a bottle of nice champagne when my bank account will allow it. A meal, a coffee, a gift card, a blank journal, a heating pad and fuzzy socks.
These were not performative, one-dimensional offerings. The intent was neither to celebrate my decision, nor was it to help me mourn my loss or to extend that dreaded, white-lilies-and-angel-statues declaration of “sympathy.” After an abortion, someone may be grieving deeply, someone may be buzzing with relief and contentment, someone may be physically exhausted, financially stressed, hormonally fluctuating–and someone may be all of these things, depending on the moment or the day.
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