By the end of the first night our baby was home, I knew I had a major problem.
backs Lioi up. It said that in men, depression after a new child can be especially dangerous, because men with feelings of helplessness can turn aggressive. “The fathers’ sense of inadequacy and powerlessness sometimes turned into anger and frustrations,” it reported.I’ve never banged a table, but I got anxiety often, sometimes for no clear reason. That first night when I snapped, I left home for a while to calm myself down.
“I get very nervous with people who say that ‘it’s all really great,’ ” he told me, “ ‘it’s all wonderful and roses and everything.’ That sounds like a big denial, because I think we all know that raising a child is not that at all.”I don’t know why these strangers felt more ready to open to me than men II didn’t want to force my friends to open up to me. But I do think Lioi might be onto something.
It felt amazing to vent, and what came after felt telling to me. I got flooded with emails and DMs from both moms and dads who related. They all said that feeling like a bad parent is ordinary, as cruel as it can seem. They told me their stories, some heartbreaking and some affirmative, and gave me tips. Several repeated the same thing to me: You’re not alone.I don’t know why these strangers felt more ready to open to me than men I know.
Either way, even with this flood of support, I still wasn’t sure: Was I the kind of guy who would end up in front of Lioi? Where did I fit into the spectrum of struggles new dads face? “There are specific criteria for depression, for anxiety, for postpartum,” Lioi said. But “how I work is less based onAre there things in your life that a bulk of the time are just causing you overstress or pain and getting in the way of enjoying being a dad, enjoying work, doing other things?“Whether we’re going to ever label that depression or not, we’re going to look at patterns in your life. We’re going to figure out the ones that are working and keep those.
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