Pregnancy involves countless decisions, and the more adults in the picture, the more complicated the picture becomes.
on my pregnancy test after months of trying and failing, I knew whom to tell first. It had been his sperm, and we shared a bed, a mortgage, and marriage certificate.
Loving relationships between “friend” and “romantic partner” are also a critical part of building community and chosen family for me, so there are other people I want to name when I am asked, “Who are your partners?” It’s hard to explain to people what Bethany is to me — our relationship isn’t romantic, but she’s more than a friend. I met her when we both worked at a public high school; she and her husband, Brett, both moved in with me and Luke in 2019.
Luckily, my therapist seemed unsurprised when I told her I was battling some unwelcome emotions. She said, “It sounds like you’re nesting.” I’d heard of pregnant people nesting but assumed it meant buying every sale item at Crate and Barrel and redecorating in a surge of energy incongruous with every other exhausted state of pregnancy. I’m sure that does happen to many pregnant people, but my concerns had more to do with the people around me than soft furnishings.
My body was turning itself inside out to prepare for a new person who would soon live in the nest. I needed my partners to take care of me, because my body was taking care of a baby. There just wasn’t space in my life for anything else. And from that headspace, it was easier to make concessions. After Luke validated my feelings of jealousy, I felt a lot better about him spending time with another woman. She, on the other hand, didn’t love having Luke’s pregnant wife dictate the terms of her relationship with him , and they never went out again. This is a somewhat typical back-and-forth for a polyamorous relationship, and I feel lucky that Luke was so OK with how things ended up.
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