I didn't have a father around, so my uncles defined masculinity for me.
Growing up, I didn't have a father around. Instead, I had my grandfather and my uncles. I loved my grandfather dearly. We spent time together and he made me feel safe. And, he always told me that he loved me. Daddy, as I called him, was the closest thing I ever had to a father. But he wasn't the only man in my life; my three uncles were the dominant influence. They were respected and feared in our Bay Area neighborhood.
Looking back now, I know that my uncles believed that they were teaching me how to survive. To"man up" must have seemed, to them, the only way to survive. Life was about surviving, not thriving. If you had talked to them about happiness, or peace of mind, or thriving, they would have thought you sounded unrealistic and weak.
On the surface, my life as a young adult looked very different from the lives of my uncles. I left the Bay Area at 16, went to college and graduate school, and I became professionally successful and financially stable. I traveled the world. Romal Tune says that he was a toxic male, but eventually learned how to overcome those behaviors and traits.I was in my mid-thirties before I realized that everything I had learned about what it means to be a man was wrong. It was a slow learning curve. At first, I learned through observation. I began cultivating friendships with men who had different values—men who had learned from men in their lives how to respect women.
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