💕 Couples therapy: 'I want a child but my husband doesn’t – should I leave him?' ⬇️ Sex and relationship therapist Nicola Foster advises a woman who faces a choice between becoming a parent or staying married to the man she loves
I am 38 and have been with my husband since university. I love him. He is my best friend and also my family, as I don’t have contact with my own family, and neither does he. When we met, neither of us wanted children. It was something we both felt strongly about.
I grew up in an abusive household and he grew up in a very cold family. We didn’t want to risk messing up another generation and always said that we were enough for each other. Before we got married he really wanted to make sure that I was still ok with not having children because he didn’t want to deprive me of that if there was even a small chance I would want them. At the time I said I was fine with it, but now I’ve changed my mind. I wasn’t expecting this to happen but I have aI don’t know what to do. I don’t know if this is some sort of biological age thing that will pass or whether these feelings are real and I need to act on them.
I could never force him into being a dad when I know it’s not what he wants, but the idea of breaking up and looking for someone else to father a child with makes me feel physically sick.Sometimes, when one person in a couple wants to raise children and the other doesn’t, they have no choice but to split. It’s not a decision where a negotiated compromise can be reached.
You say you don’t know whether your craving is a biological hormonal stage that will pass or whether you need to act now. My observation of biological clocks is that they do tick more loudly in our late thirties, when time is running out. Seeing babies will evoke the instinctive urge to mother.
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