I never saw myself as a mother—then I realized I wanted to be a dad 👨👨👧👦 Pride
, back before I knew the word “transgender” or understood that it might be possible—in the long and uncertain future—to actually be a dad, I felt like one. And though the period between Mother’s Day and Father’s Day is a month in regular, calendarized time, it feels like an entire epoch to me, complete with a glacial abruption; the two holidays being entirely different creatures, in entirely different eras, bearing only the similarity of happening on the same rock.
Later, as a teenager, my dad-energy persisted. By both nature and nurture, I am a worrier and a caretaker—I am always the one with extra emergency supplies, the one who will slip you cash when you’re low and boss you into eating a solid breakfast. I’m the one who you can call at any hour and always receive the same greeting: an ebullient “Hello!” followed by “Is everything okay?” .
As an adult, I worked as an academic advisor to the athletics program of an American university regularly featured on ESPN. There, my students called me Dad, reporting their successes and failures to me in one of the strangest environments in the world to be gender non-compliant in the 1990s: collegiate athletics. Through it all, the world understood me as masculine queer woman, a butch—and so to match, I did what the estimable butches around me did.
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