AskPolly: 'I feel like my brain is on overdrive. I feel like shutting it down, pressing pause, crawling into bed and hiding from it.' hhavrilesky responds
I love how you can take people’s problems and strip away the layers to reveal the raw human emotions and desires underneath. Compared to some of the heartbreaking submissions you get, I know I really can’t complain about my life. But that’s why I’m asking for your help.
The reason I’m coming to you, Polly, is that I hate this sad and negative little monster inside of me. I get sick of myself. I hate hearing myself complain to people, and I’m so exhausted from obsessing over things I can’t control. I want to repurpose this energy into something useful like reading more, learning new skills, going outside, being a better friend, daughter, partner, or just being a human in the world.
Try inviting your sad and negative little monster into the room. Sew her a dress and talk to her while you sew. Why is she so fucking mad? What does she hate about being at home with her aging parents? What does she loathe about beach vacations? What would be better? When your monster talks this way, you’ll study her irises and you’ll notice that they’re a little bit greenish at the edges, and you’ll think, “I’ve never met anyone quite like you.” Your pulse will race. Your hands will feel like restless birds that can’t get comfortable. Your feet will feel hot.
But as long as that core belief lurks under all of your experiences, you will feel misunderstood and unimportant and invisible. You will feel this way because you treat yourself this way. Make some more room for yourself. Assert your right to want exactly what you want for no fucking reason at all. Clear a path for your most restless desires.
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