COMMENTARY: Sometimes the miscarriage memo is slow to arrive naturally, and medicine must intervene, writes JenniferHandt. Sometimes women in my position need what is arguably an abortion.
It couldn’t have been more difficult for me to have children. In my 10-year sprint/slog toward my two boys — who are now 12 and almost 5 — I experienced multiple types of infertility, along with several sorts of pregnancy loss. Every one was a particular breed of trauma.
Something inside of me died that day, too. I don’t think I’ve ever been the same — not even when my quest for motherhood ended with my second son’s birth via the miraculous gift of surrogate pregnancy. Sometimes the miscarriage memo is slow to arrive naturally, and medicine must intervene. Sometimes women in my position need what is arguably an abortion.
I was filled with a particular mix of emotions: fear, anger, something bordering on shame. I felt lost. Abandoned, in a sense, by my caregivers. So, I did what I suspect other women may have also done in my situation: I went home. My husband and I packed up our small SUV — that had, until that moment, awaited a second car seat— and took our older son, then 4 years old, to Boston.
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