How we make our relationship work: 'PTSD split us up - but we’re stronger than ever now' 💬 'It was horrendous. We weren't talking. When we did, we really wanted to hurt each other as much as we possibly could.'
Eventually, I hit a brick wall and couldn’t go to work. I went to see the doctor again and said: “Look, I can’t think, I can’t sleep, I can’t play with my kid, I don’t want to sleep with my partner.” I was referred to the military mental health charity Combat Stress and diagnosed with complex PTSD. My response was: “Bollocks, PTSD doesn’t exist…” I was in denial: I can’t have a mental illness, I’m strong. I think it was a relief for Kate – at least I had a diagnosis and an offer of help.
The illness still limits what I can do and that causes me distress. Some days I feel so afraid that something awful is going to happen, it can be overwhelming. Kate looks after me. She steers me: she asks me questions, she doesn’t dig too deep. She picks up the slack when I’m having trouble doing certain things. She gives me so much encouragement and helps me take stock. She reminds me to do things – and doesn’t get pissed off that I forget stuff all the time. Kate’s my rock.
By the time Tom was diagnosed with complex PTSD, he couldn’t get out of bed. Even after he came home from the rehabilitation centre, he was all over the place. After our second son George was born, I came downstairs one morning and Tom had passed out on the kitchen floor. He was on a cocktail of drugs: sleeping tablets, antidepressants, medication for anxiety and heart palpitations.
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