This subject can be daunting— so we asked experts how to talk to kids about sex covering everything from intercourse, puberty, gender identity and consent.
“The process of talking about sex should start before they’re verbal,” says Silverberg. That means incorporating the proper names for genitals and body parts into everyday activities like bath time. While Silverberg isn’t against also using cutesy names, “Penis, vulva, vagina, clitoris, bum and nipples are all terms that every toddler should know,” he says, explaining that they need these words to communicate health issues or injuries.
At this age, kids can be very curious about each other’s bodies. Thornhill explains that it’s important to acknowledge this inquisitiveness and use it as an entry point to discuss your family’s rules and values. “Talk to them explicitly about when it’s appropriate to be naked,” she says. And if you do catch your kids playing doctor, don’t freak out.
It’s important to introduce kids of this age group to the idea that families and relationships can be built in various ways. If your kids are part of or are regularly around non-traditional families, they’ll naturally pick up on this, explains Silverberg. But if they aren’t, “Make sure that you have a few good books that aren’t just on nuclear, heterosexual families.”
At this age, you can also speak more explicitly to kids about sexual abuse. Silverberg explains that it’s important for kids to know about this unfortunate reality in order to protect themselves or help a friend who experiences abuse. How detailed this talk gets really depends on your child. Talking about sex can go hand-in-hand with another key topic: puberty. Thornhill says when kids are around age six, this can be a simple discussion about how bodies change as we grow. For example, you could compare photos of when they were little with what they look like now. Silverberg recommends saving the more detailed puberty talk until just before your child or those in her peer group start experiencing it. Otherwise, he says, “It seems like you’re talking about an alien planet.
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