For a successful get-together with a blended family, set conflicts aside, communicate ahead of time and keep expectations clear.
Marisa G. Franco, a psychologist and friendship expert based in D.C., agrees. “This isn’t the place to talk through relationship issues,” she says. “If tension or resentment comes up between ex-spouses in the moment, take up the matter later on.”Therapy can help if this will be a challenge for you and your former partner. Sarah Gundle, a clinical psychologist in New York City, reduced the likelihood of uncomfortable holiday get-togethers by seeking therapy with her partner during their split.
“The relationship between my daughter’s dad and I has never been so healthy,” she says from her home in Irving, Tex. “That’s because we work together better as a team apart than we ever did together.”Greeting your former partner at the door with “Happy Hanukkah” or “Merry Christmas” shouldn’t be the first words you’ve spoken to each other during the months
Along with finalizing plans for the location and food, take a few minutes to discuss gifts for the children. Bryan Johnson, a co-parent to children ages 21, 19 and 16 in Dallas, coordinates ideas with his ex-wife. They share suggestions about what their two sons and their daughter want for Christmas and split the cost of more-expensive items.Ex-partners should avoid dictating to one another how the day will unfold, but it’s important to convey how each sees the day playing out.
During the past seven years, Johnson, who was married for 16 years and divorced for 10, has spent Christmas Day at the home of his ex-wife and her husband. He arrives for breakfast, their children unwrap gifts, and he leaves after a few hours. “In the beginning, it was hard to be a visitor at my children’s Christmas celebration,” he says. “It was very awkward. What it took was wiping the slate clean and trying to create a new set of expectations for the holiday.
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