'Initially, I didn't know how to read my hunger cues because I had spent years of my life trying to ignore them.'
, instructed me to run through a series of questions when I felt hunger approaching. Did I want something hot or cold? Something soft, crunchy, or in-between? Would I need something sweet or savory to satisfy this hunger? Asking these simple questions was one of the first concrete steps I took in trying to overcome my eating disorder, and soon they became part of my daily routine. At first it was difficult to answer them, but over time it got easier.
This was the first time in my life that I wasn't actively trying to lose weight, and although it was terrifying, it was also liberating., and although it was terrifying, it was also liberating. There were many times in the beginning when I would ignore my body's signals, become uncomfortably full, and begin to feel like I had failed, but I quickly realized that there would always be another chance to better listen to my body.
I felt the rules of disordered eating slowly start to fade away. The fear I had once felt dissipated, as I realized I craved nutritious foods more than anything. I was able to enjoy meals with my partner and snack when I wanted without worrying I would binge. The best part was proving to this voice in my head that, if I listened to my body and fed it what it wanted, my jeans would still fit.
For the first time in a long time, my body is exactly where it should be, and I grow more comfortable with that every day. I don't think intuitive eating cured me completely, but I do credit it with helping me break free from the rules and punishments that kept me trapped in a vicious cycle of disordered eating. I'm proud to say that I now indulge my cravings instead of suppressing them.
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