DearPrudie: I don’t think he realizes it crossed a boundary, and I’m worried that calling him out on it could make him feel really embarrassed. Help!
Even better, does the company have social media accounts and did he send it to someone who does that job? Share it with a caption: “Our Fearless Leader is taking a much-needed break, but took a minute to check in from the field!” —Those responses would all be super satisfying and are fun to think about, but I ultimately concluded that the suggestion that would be easiest for you to implement and most effective would be to recruit a male ally to address this, either directly or by going through...
This is when having a male ally comes in handy. Instead of the femmes who received the pic saying something directly, getting a sympathetic, male third party would absolutely lessen the blow to the boss’ ego and shield them from potential retaliation. —A reader who didn’t want to be identified, because of her concern that any public feedback she provided could be misconstrued as legal advice, offered additional context via email that explains why using a male ally would be wise.
I have been working in human rights for the past 3.5 years and have read countless cases that have similar fact patterns—often beginning with something like this and then escalating to more aggressive harassment. That is what this is: harassment. Even if the intention of the boss is not to harass, because he is targeting a specific group of people—seemingly based on their gender—it is discriminatory.
It is important that the designated male ally not say, “Hey, the women asked me to talk to you about this” or “The women receiving these photos are uncomfortable, can you talk to the boss for them?” The effort here is to de-center the women as being the ones responsible for the discomfort—because the boss is the one responsible.
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