The fantasy of chefs as well-fed sex gods persists. Here’s what it’s really like to date one
Carmy, object of desire. Photo: FX A few weeks back, I was at a restaurant when I noticed a diner at the next table give his meal the proverbial *chef’s kiss* — a loud smooch, fingers to the air, the whole bit. It prompted his friend to wonder aloud, “What would a chef’s kiss actually taste like?” Their server, not missing a beat, jumped in with the answer: “Alcohol.”
Maybe not the life, but the fantasy of chefs as well-fed sex gods persists. “The intrinsic stamina that every chef, male or female, has after years on their feet, on a hot line, with calloused hands in icy waters,” says one former partner of a New York chef. “The adroitness of those practiced hands and their tirelessness. The insatiable appetites. That’s what often makes them excellent lovers — and total narcissists.
More often, however, the person dating a chef is left to deal with the fallout from their partner’s job: A laser-focused, hyper-competitive kitchen addict is not necessarily able to become a different person when they come home, especially if they’re exhausted. “That scene in The Bear, where Carmy is eating a sandwich on the couch while falling asleep mid-bite … that’s exactly what it is,” says Alyssa Shelasky, who has written about her past relationship with a chef.
As a different New York chef puts it to me when I mention the potential appeal of dating someone like Carmy, One person remembers their ex-chef partner showing up “super late” to a family barbecue, grabbing a plate of ribs, and instantly complaining, “Who the fuck made this? Tastes like shit.”
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