Dear Care and Feeding: What My Daughter’s Karate Teacher Did Is Not Normal—Right?

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Dear Care and Feeding: What My Daughter’s Karate Teacher Did Is Not Normal—Right?
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Parenting advice on teachers who don't honor boundaries.

My 4-year-old daughter recently joined a martial arts studio in our smallish town. She and her dad often practice at home together, and she was overjoyed to be old enough to start at the studio. Overall the classes are okay—not quite as disciplined as expected, but she has been having fun. However, during the first class a strange thing occurred. The teacher warned a boy that if he didn’t behave he would get a kick to the butt.

Is this normal? I just can’t seem to move past this. And I fear I botched my conversation with my daughter about it, soon after the incident. We talked about it in the car, and I wasn’t really prepared, so I told her that we can’t kick butts outside the dojo, and she got scared—I guess she thought I was saying that what she’d just witnessed was OK. She asked me if she’d have to get kicked on her birthday. We had a conversation about body autonomy and saying no.

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