What is the right response when people ask me about my son's past?
I think this is a more complicated question than it appears to be—more complicated than you yourself recognize. For starters: I do understand your eagerness to drop the “foster” part of Mom, and your fervent wish to extract your foster child from the painful circumstances that led to his being removed from his original family. But there is an enormous amount of trauma associated with this, for him .
What if you normalized your family’s situation? What if, when talking about your child, when questions came up in the course of ordinary conversation—and they were not rude/intrusive/inappropriate but arose naturally during the discussion at hand, as parents shared stories/complaints/joys—you answered honestly, “He’s been ours only since he was 10 months old, when we began fostering him, so I don’t know”? Or, if there’s an exchange of labor and delivery battle stories and you’re asked for...
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