Parenting advice on babysitters, guns, and missing dogs.
Our babysitter “Mandy” has taken care of our two small children since they were born. She also housesits for us when we are on vacation. We care about her and she has been incredibly helpful to our family. When she first started working for us, Mandy was living with her boyfriend “Tom.” We’ve met Tom once or twice and he’s stayed with Mandy in our home when she was housesitting. Mandy and Tom broke up earlier this year and Mandy moved out.
Recently, Mandy shared with us that Tom physically abused her when they were dating. There were two injuries that we’d seen but at the time she told us they were sports-related. She also shared that on one occasion, Tom spent time in jail for assaulting her. It sickens me to know she was going through this and that we had no idea. We thanked Mandy for sharing the information with us, told her how proud we were of her, and offered our support for anything she might need. And we meant it.
How do I address this? How do I respond when somebody compliments me for taking some time for myself ? My in-laws are very nice and would never utter explicitly sexist thoughts—it’s always very in-between-the-lines. I would like to get a handle on this before Nadia starts to notice the gender roles and related expectations.
Make a point of talking about your work and responsibilities more often in the presence of your in-laws so that they can better understand what your daily life looks like. Do not put any of them down or imply that they’ve got it easier than you—I’m sure they are as lovely as you say. But hooo, wanna hear some stories that will make you feel quite fine about your workload? Go talk to an older woman who has spent her life asking a man for money when she needs it.
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