Dear Care and Feeding: How Can I Connect With My New—Much Older—Roommate?

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Dear Care and Feeding: How Can I Connect With My New—Much Older—Roommate?
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I know my new roommate deserves respect, but I don't know how to talk to her.

I have a question not about parenting, but about the interaction of different generations. I’m a young millennial woman moving in with a new, much older roommate next month. “LeAnne” is in her 90s and has been a pillar of the local community since before most of the community was here. She grew up Black in the Great Depression, worked through WWII, witnessed the Civil Rights Movement and devoted herself to its continuation by working in education and community housing programs for decades.

But I don’t really know how to relate to her. My own family has been greatly affected by generational trauma, and I’ve been estranged from the older generation within it since I was a teenager. I have little experience interacting with seniors, aside from the volunteer work I’ve done in senior living facilities. It bothered me to see the residents in those places spoken down to and infantilized.

As an older person who has many friends who are decades younger, I can attest to the benefits, on both sides, of intergenerational friendship. My friend Harrison, who just turned 26, and I—at 67—have long, unfailingly interesting conversations over dinner about musical theater and studying ballet, among other things we’ve learned we have in common; my friend Nick and I play board games, watch romcoms, and talk ourselves hoarse about all manner of things.

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