Advice from Annie Lane.
I come from a long history of family dysfunction. Child abuse, toxicity and abandonment are all I ever knew growing up. I developed severe complex PTSD and borderline personality disorder coming into my preteen years. I remember the blame was solely on me for my severe depression, suicide attempts and deep-seated suffering from my adoptive parents.
I moved out at age 17. The abuse continued despite my removal from their household, well into my late 20s. At that time, I cut off all contact with my abusers. I removed myself entirely from the family dynamic. My question is: How do I forgive my adoptive parents for manipulating me to place my infant fraternal twins with them when I was only 19 years old? Once they had my babies, they excluded me from the family and forced my hand into placing my children up for adoption with them.
How do I forgive them for the horrific abuse I sustained as a child in their home? How do I process the grief, which grips my heart and soul, I have for losing the opportunity to raise my son and daughter? They are 16 years young, and I do not even know them.
My advice is to continue working with your therapist to process ways to cope with your abusive childhood, and focus on trying to establish a relationship with your twin children. They are becoming old enough for you to reach out to them directly.Annie Lane offers common-sense solutions to everyday problems. She's firm, funny and sympathetic, echoing the style of her biggest inspiration, Ann Landers. She lives outside Manhattan with her husband, two kids and two dogs.
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