Dear Abby advises a woman with a nasty in-law, and a woman who feels unappreciated by her step-daughter.
I have a sister in-law, “Karen,” no one in my husband’s family likes. She’s rude and insulting and acts like she is better than everyone else. She feels she’s entitled to have family members watch her kids so she can do what she wants. If anyone confronts her about her bad behavior, she claims she has anxiety and depression to make the person feel guilty.Now, I’m not saying she doesn’t have these mental health issues, but I believe she uses them to manipulate others.
I know many family members will side with her out of sympathy, but I can no longer sit back and accept her verbally abusing me and others with no consequences. I know I need a plan so I won’t lose my temper and say something I’ll regret, but I’m not sure how to respond in a respectful way. Any ideas? —Do nothing without first warning your in-laws that you have reached your limit. The next time your sister-in-law is rude and insulting, say calmly, “I don’t deserve to be spoken to that way.
Contact with my husband was reestablished when she became of age. I do my best to acknowledge holidays, birthdays, etc., for all of them. The problem for me is there is never any reciprocation, and I’m tired of it. We have a cordial relationship and see them frequently. It’s as though she thinks we owe her something. I am the one who does everything; my husband couldn’t care less. How can I end the cycle? To add to it, my own nephew is the same way. Nary a word of acknowledgment unless he is forced to. I guess my own feelings are the problem. I want to maintain cordial relationships, but I feel like it’s a one-way street. —Your stepdaughter and your nephew are adults.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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