Before the pandemic, we told each other everything and had a lot of fun.
DEAR ABBY: I’m a woman in my late 40s, and since coming out of the isolation of the pandemic , I’ve had a hard time rekindling the friendships I valued before -- with my two best girlfriends, in particular. We used to have the type of relationship in which we were very open. We told each other everything and had a lot of fun.
The last two years were really hard on me. I faced a series of serious health issues, as did my youngest kid, who almost died and had to be hospitalized in another city because the care centers here were overcrowded. A few months later, my older child had a mental health crisis that we now spend a lot of time working through.
Those challenges completely changed the way our house runs. They dominate my day-to-day life. The thing is, talking about all that feels too heavy. I don’t want to be the friend who always brings down the room. On the other hand, when my friends find out everything that has been going on that I didn’t tell them about, they’re going to be angry that I’ve been hiding things from them, and it’s going to damage our friendship.
I don’t have the capacity to take on managing anyone else’s feelings, while at the same time I wish I had more people to go out and have fun with. How can I be a good friend without sharing all the challenges?DEAR NOT SHARING: Now that the lockdowns are over and, for most people, life is returning to near-normal, get together face-to-face for a truth session with those friends. Tell them as much as you think they need to know, and enjoy them as often as you can.
Do not feel you must manage their feelings or disclose all of your son’s emotional difficulties. Make sure to devote some time listening to the challenges THEY may have faced over the last couple of years. True friends try to make the people they care about feel better, not worse.
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