As a recovering perfectionist, I know all-too-well feeling anxiety and guilt for not being 'productive.'
Take a moment to reflect on positive memories in your life thus fa. The “good times” you’d tell your grandchildren about. They were probably marked by experiences—moments where you were fully participating, engaged and stimulated—with others or in solitude. These were likely the moments you felt happiest and most truly alive. Aren’t these the moments “the point?”
Unfortunately, many of us feel conflicted during forms of “fun” and “play,” as we grew up being told we could do it after we finished our homework or chores. Yet today, lists of tasks are endless, and waiting for them to be finished before we play is a recipe for defeat and depression. Recognize the value in—and carve out time for—moments of fun and play.The longest relationship you’ll have in life is the one with yourself.
Whenever we’re “doing,” we’re not “being.” And it’s when we’re “being” that we’re actually paying attention to the present moment. So let’s all learn from my dismayed former colleague, and start collecting moments we’re actually here for.Despite many of us living our lives as though we’re supposed to be experts, none of us actuallyknows what we’re doing. We look to books and movies and social media and parents and mentors, but at the end of the day every person’s journey is unique.
In the same vein, if we want to be less reactive and more at the helm of our actions, we need to learn how to respond—rather than react to—life’s daily discomforts. Conveniently, undesirable events trigger difficult emotions, providing a lifelong organic meditative practice. You see, if we were never given opportunities to exercise our “emotional tolerance muscles,” moments of discomfort would almost inevitably give rise to reactivity.
As a friend once eloquently told me, life is a series of experiences, strung together. At the end of the literal and proverbial day, you get to determine which of those experiences are of value to you. So consider shifting your perception of valuable moments from “productive” to “meaningful;” and, if your experience is anything like mine, you’ll be able to let go of a heck of a lot of guilt and anxiety... and with it, maybe even your exhaustive list-making.
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