Dear Amy: I recently ended an emotionally abusive relationship with my best friend of one year. We met when we were both very lonely. We are in a challenging graduate program together.
She has high emotional needs, and I started to feel more like her therapist than her friend. I encouraged her to seek therapy, and she became incredibly angry.I debated about how to end things and ultimately decided to write a letter because I thought I could better convey my feelings, and she often twists other people’s words in conversation.
Was I responsible for making sure she read the letter? How do I finally get her out of my head for good?Dear Cutting Ties: The only mistake you’re making here is continuing to believe on some level that you actually have some control over how your words or deeds are interpreted by others.This belief in your own control is a reflection of the high-achieving side of you – that part of your intellect that led you into a challenging academic program.
He thinks that I have not forgiven him for these harms because if, in conversation, he brings one of them up, I am not emotionally neutral.Sometimes, I will get tearful or sometimes I will try to explain again why there was harm to begin with – because he still doesn’t seem to get it. You should tell him that not feeling emotion is simply not an option for you. Can he think back to times when he has felt hurt – even going back to childhood?
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