Dear Amy: Almost 10 years ago my wife discovered that I had been cheating on her, emotionally and physically, and that I had a porn addiction I couldn’t control.
You and your wife are both trapped by the breach in trust caused by your infidelity during your 20’s.After 10 years of therapy, transparency and fidelity, you’ve proven that you want to and are able to remain faithful and trustworthy.
Your wife has been living in a state of hypervigilance. This is damaging to her physical and mental health. She should definitely resume therapy, and her goal should not be to change or retrain you, but to retrain her own brain away from rumination and anger, and toward balance, trust and health. Go surfing for the day. Your wife will have to feel her feelings, understand her anxiety, and find ways to cope with it.
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