Dear Amy: You often mention the need to exercise “compassionate detachment,” especially with adult children. I need advice on how to make that shift.
There is a saying that being a parent is like having your heart wander around the world without you, and it is so true.I have really improved in terms of not offering unsolicited advice and comments, but I constantly worry about choices they make and feel their pain possibly even more acutely than they do .It is to the point where I often wake up in the middle of the night worrying.
Developing loving and compassionate detachment is a process that involves a certain amount of realistic self-assessment. Some people are temperamentally more inclined toward worry than others. And any time your child struggles with serious health issues, this will trigger a wave of worry.Does your fretting serve your children, ease their pain or soothe their wounds?
I often picture this powerful witnessing process as holding hands and walking together — neither leading nor being led.And once you truly understand that you don’t have to make the donuts, you will experience your most tender relationships in a new way. Yes, I think you should reach out. You do not need to refer to the frail appearance of this spouse, but you could message them to say, “I just saw a picture of ‘George’ on FB and it made me think of you and to remember some of our times together. I hope you are both doing OK, and encourage you to reach out if ever you would like to be in touch.”
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