Amy Schneider talks about the joy of winning a game show she has always loved, and being visible at a time of rampant transphobia when “representation is needed”
“Those were very important to me, the trans contestants that have been on before,” Schneider said. “It suddenly felt a lot more uncomfortable to be on TV after I came out, but seeing them there made me feel like it’s perfectly fine. It’s funny: the producer said at some point, ‘I don’t even know how many trans contestants have been onSchneider is often called “brave” for coming out, something cisgender people often say to trans people after they transition.
“It doesn’t really feel like bravery to me,” she said, “because there wasn’t a choice; the alternative wasn’t possible. So, given that, it doesn’t feel that ‘brave’ to just do what I felt I had no choice but to do.” She came out four and a half years ago following the death of her father, a catalyst that’s not uncommon, at least not for this writer and others in the community. Butthat there’s more to the story than that. “When I say I realized I was trans in 2016, I’m simplifying a process that in some ways had been going on my whole life, and certainly since 2011 or so, but 2016 was when I finally realized that I was living a lie, and began to let my true self show.
“The first step of it was just the absence of pain,” said Schneider. “The analogy I always use is that it was like there was an alarm going off in the back of my brain, my whole life, and I never knew how to turn it off. And then suddenly I could. The sheer relief of having that suddenly go quiet was just an amazing, amazing experience that I’ll never get over.
“I think beyond that it is good to be seen and to be myself, to be able to have whatever personality I have and to show it—I’m not even trying to be more outgoing and all these sorts of things, I just am—because there’s no longer something I’m hiding from everyone. I’ve been able to form such deeper relationships, with my girlfriend and in friendships. And that’s just been incredibly, incredibly wonderful.
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