An LDS therapist urges her church to celebrate the body and sexuality as a “God-given gift” — as its theology teaches. 'A lot of us grew up in that mindset that you can’t be an erotic being and a spiritual being,' she says.
a licensed therapist in Chicago who works with Latter-day Saint couples on sexuality and relationship issues, discussed these topics and more. Here are excerpts:• I have seen clients — some in the faith transition community, some that are even more devout — who have contemplated the possibility of opening up their marriage or doing some version of swinging. So I know of people who have been grappling with that question and/or have tried it.
• There is a lot of ignorance about what it really takes to create a sexual partnership. There’s also a lot of gender ideas about how the other person is going to make sexuality OK for you. Both men and women inherit a lot of anxiety about sex. In both cases, there’s the idea that your partner will make sexuality and pleasure legitimate. The only problem is they don’t have the validation to give, because they are also in an uncomfortable relationship to pleasure and sensuality.
Latter-day Saint therapist Jennifer Finlayson-Fife says her church could do better in celebrating the body and sexuality as a God-given gift.• It’s very possible because, again, there’s a naivete around what constitutes great sex.
Because of the church’s emphasis on premarital chastity, do you find newlyweds who have trouble not seeing sex as “dirty” or “evil” even after marriage?• Yes, I’ve got a lot of people who know they shouldn’t think that it is dirty or evil, but that’s the way they would say it. Their general reaction to it is that it’s overwhelming and that they would prefer to be desired, perhaps, but they want to create a marriage that really doesn’t have eroticism in it.
• Yes, it absolutely could still value chastity and fidelity while celebrating the body and sexuality even as a God-given gift. You don’t have to shame it out of your kids to inhibit their behavior. In my dissertation research, the women who did best in terms of even obeying the law of chastity were the most at peace with their sexuality. They weren’t doing it to earn a future man’s approval. Their decision to wait until marriage was like a self-respecting decision.