'I would talk and write until the cows came home about how we need to be more accommodating of autistic minds, but the moment autistic traits bubbled over into my own day-to-day life, it was an entirety different story.'
"I would talk and write until the cows came home about how we need to be more accommodating of autistic minds, but the moment autistic traits bubbled over into my own day-to-day life, it was an entirety different story."I’ve always had a love-hate relationship with Autism Acceptance Month. On the one hand, on a purely objective level, raising awareness of autism should never really be a bad thing.
In many ways, ‘going public’ about being autistic was crucial in my personal journey of radical acceptance. I thought that if I immortalised the ways being autistic affected me in tweets or articles, then I had no choice but to acknowledge it as part of me.But a handful of neat paragraphs, and the placid praise and validation that follow an openness like this never tend to tell the full story.
By now, I think we all broadly know how autistic people ‘mask’ their natural state of being to survive conversations. We manufacture eye contact, mirror peoples’ body language, and add intonation into our voice which just doesn’t come naturally to us. It’s why when the more inconvenient parts of autism confront me in public — like having a meltdown in front of colleagues at work, or feeling my ability to form words slip away from me as I go non-verbal — I feel like the Emperor with his invisible clothes, completely vulnerable and exposed.I feel the urge to hide myself away as I repeatedly text friends, loved ones, or really anyone who will listen about just how desperately I wished my brain wasn’t ‘like this.
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