Terry Bradfield was an Army chaplain assigned to the Pentagon on 9/11 who spent weeks at the wreckage, praying over remains and ministering to victims and search personnel. He reflects on how the attacks shaped our lives since.
Bradfield left the Army chaplaincy in 2004, disillusioned by the attacks and upset about the wars. Photograph by Jeff Elkins
“I managed the phones that day and tried to get a couple hours’ sleep on a couch that night. The next morning, I went to the site to help. It was a horrendous sight. The plane’s right wingtip would have been right where the door of my old office was [before the chaplains moved out during renovations]. It was devastating, to the extent of being sick, looking at the place where all of these people I worked with had perished.
“I had phantom smells for almost ten years. I’d get a whiff of something and I was back at the rubble pile, just like that. I’d have sort of a sinking feeling, a hollowness. Sometimes I can still see individual stones in that pile, at that place. “My wife knows when something in the news or in general has affected me. She says I go silent. I used to never shut up when I was upset about something; I just talked about it until I got it worked out. Well, now I work it all out silently. And not just for a few minutes—this’ll be a days-long thing.
“We got bogged down in Iraq and Afghanistan, and I was very much opposed to those actions. I made that known to my superiors, which wasn’t necessarily smart. In 2004, I asked the bishop not to reappoint me. I retired. And it was mostly because I had a hard time letting go of the personal insult of the attack. I think I eventually got to the point where I was able to let go of that notion.
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