Frustrated? Angry? Upset? Philippa Perry's 6-step plan takes parenting back to basics
Frustrated? Angry? Upset? Looking for some parenting advice? If these emotions sound familiar when it comes to your relationship with your children, it's time to take parenting back to basics. Red's agony aunt, psychotherapist, parenting expert and mother Philippa Perry shares her six-step plan for better parenting.
What a relief, for any of us who have ever struggled . You can begin by trying some of Perry’s suggestions. It may seem that they’re aimed at younger kids only, but her parenting ideas work for older children, too. Don’t expect instant results. Perry’s approach isn’t about quick fixes, or tips and tricks, or training.
But it’s possible that anger may have more to do with you and your past – a sort of emotional time warp – than what’s happening now with your kid in the present.’ The child may, on an unconscious level, be reminding you of a time when you felt disliked or rejected by your own parents.
My parents never did that, and it really does make a positive difference to apologise to our kids when we need to. One parent asked me, “But don’t our kids need us to always be right to feel safe?” I replied, “No, they need us to be authentic."'‘Say you are at the park and you are cold and bored and want to go home. When talking to our kids, we are so used to saying something like:“You’ve had enough now,” or “Let’s go home, you're tired.
Instead say,“I’m too tired to cope after 7.30pm, so I want you in bed by then.”’And Perry adds, sometimes you can say, ‘Pyjamas right now,’ because that’s better than a long list of reasons – you don’t want to get into ‘reason wars’.When you want to get your child to do something they don’t want to do, you have three choices: ‘You can be rigid and authoritarian. For example,“You will tidy your room right now.” You can be completely lax and let the kid live with a floordrobe.
It is important to let them brainstorm solutions and take their solutions seriously – even if they seem daft to you. ‘Keep in mind the long-term goal, which is not so much having a tidy bedroom as figuring out how to problem-solve and collaborate.’Perry says her number one place for doing research is on a walk along an East Sussex seafront.
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